Hey! I know it’s been ages since you’ve properly heard from me, and I want to take some time to walk you through where my heads been at, and where I’m at now.
If you’ve been following me for a long time you know I’ve been talking about want to start a family, this has always been something that I knew I needed in my life, I come from a really large family (I have 6 siblings), and I truly feel like my reason for being here is to be someones mother, to love them, look after them, be their confidants, help guide them, and do all those crazy annoying things that we all complain our moms do, but we secretly love them!
On December 24th I had an appointment with my GP because I had been violently ill for about a week, I had assumed I had a really horrible case of the flu, but to my massive surprise I learned I was pregnant!!!
It was honestly the best moment of my life, after so many months of disappointment, so many self pep talks trying to talk myself out of caring, it actually happened.
Of course there is no way you can want something so badly and it not come with complications, I suppose that is life. In January I was I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis, which let me tell you is no joke, I spent some time in the ER, got a prescription for the insane nausea, and was trying to power through. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to keep up with my normal filming schedule, and my blog went down hill real fast! But during this time I got to go to my 8 week appointment and see my little baby who I nicknamed my dinosaur because he looked like a little dinosaur from that kids show Dinosaur Train lol.
I had my 12 week appointment on February 18th, I was really looking forward to it, but sadly at that appointment we learned that our baby no longer had a heartbeat, and that he had not progressed past week 11. I don’t know if it helps knowing it happened in week 11, or if it hurt more as I spent so much time reliving that week trying to figure out what I had done wrong. We did do the NIPT Non-Invasive Pregnancy Test), better known as the Harmony test, it looks for chromosomal abnormalities, Down Syndrome, and can even tell you the sex of the baby (which is why I keep calling him, him), the results of that test came back showing no abnormalities, so we don’t know what happened, which I think makes it harder, because you just rack your brain trying to figure it out. I had my D&C on February 25th, it went without a hitch I was home in my own bed in just a matter of hours, I was also really lucky to have a really close friend that’s a doctor who went with me and I could call with random questions throughout the day.
I tried to get back into filming right away, I felt like the busier I was the better, but that really wasn’t the case, I needed that time to grieve the loss and after finally realizing that I took that time, and feel stronger for it.
The past 9 months was definitely rocky, we lost are beloved dog Charlie very quickly in July, Louis had surgery in October to remove cancerous tumors, and a much loved and wanted baby in February, that’s a lot of heartache for such a short period.
On the bright side Louis recovered like a champ from his surgery and you would never guess he had any issues at all, and we will try for another baby soon.
I’m hoping by pouring my life sorrows out there you guys understand why I took such an abrupt and full stop break (I know you do understand because you are honestly just the best!), and now that I’m feeling so much mentally stronger I’m coming back!!!
You’ll see a full schedule of videos on my YouTube channel 7 days a week (I’ve filmed A LOT of content already), you’ll also notice an uptick in my Facebook and instagram feed as well, I always make content that I myself enjoy watching and so it can be varied at times, but if there is anything you want to see or have questions on please let me know I love making videos that you guys ask for, there’s just an extra touch of special about it!
Thank you guys so much for all your messages during this time, the love that you showed me was honestly incredible and I feel so unworthy of it, but knowing there were so many amazing and strong woman out there rooting for me truly helped.
So here’s to the next 6 months being better than the last, and to all of you for being the best friends on the planet!